A new experience

I've had several people tell me I really need to start a blog about our adoption journey. But having never written a blog before now, I was hesitant. Today I decided it was time to put some thoughts down someplace other than my journal. I'm praying the Lord will use something that's said here to encourage your heart and your walk with Him.

Our journey to adoption really began over 15 years ago. Bruce and I had been married for 6 years already, but I had not been able to get pregnant. The next logical step seemed to be to look into adoption. I have five cousins who are adopted, and my sister and brother-in-law had adopted a little girl. So adoption seemed quite normal for my side of the family.
We decided to check into the same adoption agency my sister and brother-in-law used, but we quickly found out that I was already over the age limit they had set (35). I had just recently turned 36 and they informed me I was too old to adopt a child here in the U.S. Needless to say, that was pretty discouraging. Both Bruce and I were hurt and wondered what the Lord had in mind for us.

We began to pray about international adoption. But after many weeks of praying, neither of us felt the freedom to move ahead in that direction. So, we decided that the Lord would either allow us to have a child of our own, or would open the door for a private adoption.

The very next year I found out I was pregnant! We were SO excited! We told all our friends and family, and started making plans for a baby to be added to our family. But the Lord had other plans for us. Just 10 weeks into the pregnancy I had a miscarriage. It was one of the most painful times we'd experienced as a couple (or as individuals, for that matter). But the Lord was gracious and merciful, and His love and the care of His children, helped us through that difficult time.

Once again we decided the Lord must not want us to have children of our own, and we were willing to rest in that and move on with our lives. That worked well for another 8 years. One day we received a call from someone who told us about a young woman who was pregnant and was looking for a couple who would be willing to adopt her baby. The call had come out of the blue (we had not been pursuing adoption at all at that point), so we felt we should pray about the opportunity and move forward if the Lord allowed.

One thing led to another, and we were suddenly in the middle of adopting a baby. Of course we were thrilled! Once again we told all our friends and family, and started walking through the process of a private (and "open") adoption. We were several months into the process...I had gone to doctor appointments, seen the ultrasound photos, and had even named the baby (it was a little girl). One day we received a letter in the mail from the birth mother's mother (the baby's grandmother). She had been involved through this entire process, and had felt the Lord would have us be the adoptive parents of this little girl. But when I opened the letter that day, I knew something was wrong.

I remember standing in my kitchen when I opened the letter. I read the first two lines and literally cried out in agony. The grandmother had decided it wasn't the right thing for her to give the child up for adoption, and had decided to raise the baby herself. I tried to stifle the sobs that were escaping from my lips. I sunk down to the floor and cried out to the Lord from the depths of my soul. The hurt I felt at that moment was deeper than anything I'd experienced since the miscarriage. It may have been even worse because our baby was never seen on an ultrasound (we didn't know whether it was a boy or a girl), but this little one was in photos that I had tucked away in my "adoption journal". She was only two months away from being born...we had made plans...we had named her! This couldn't be happening....could it? 

Those are all thoughts that went through my head during those first moments and even the following weeks after receiving that letter. Bruce and I cried and prayed together. Neither of us could fault the grandmother for wanting to raise her granddaughter. We didn't hate her at all. It just didn't seem fair! But once again, the God of all comfort reached down and comforted us. He held us both in His loving, powerful arms, and reminded us again that HE was in control. He had a plan for us (a plan for good and not for evil...for a future and a hope...Jeremiah 29:11). 

So after many weeks of grieving another loss, we once again accepted the fact that the Lord must not want us to have children of our own. In fact, Bruce 's heart had been hurt so badly that he had determined he could never go through anything like that again. We were blessed with many friends who had allowed us to be part of their children's lives, and we were grateful, and thanked the Lord for that. 


It's been 6 years since we went through that last adoption experience. We often think of the little girl that would now be six years old, and wonder how she is doing. We pray for the Lord's hand to be upon her and for her to come to a saving relationship with Him. But we've also enjoyed being a married couple without the obligations of parenthood. We were able to go to Hawaii for my 50th birthday...we've been able to do many things that our friends who have children have not been able to do. We've often thanked the Lord for the freedom we've had. 

For the most part, we've both been fine with not having children of our own. But every once in a while I would have a nagging in the back of my mind and heart, still wishing I could be a mother, and Bruce could be a father....and I would have to bring it to the Lord again...surrendering my hopes and dreams. Accepting His will in their place. 

But this past May, something changed all that. A friend from church came up to me after the service (on Mother's Day) and told me about a little boy  he'd heard about through the adoption agency he and his wife had used when they adopted three children from Russia. He said this little boy was from Eastern Europe and that he was deaf. The adoption agency was looking for a couple to adopt him that knew sign language.

I told our friend that I was too old to consider this little boy (I figured if I'd been considered too old when I was 36, I was certainly too old now that I was 52!), but that I would pray about anyone in my circle of friends who might be interested in adopting him. Our friend told me that I was NOT too old, but that he wasn't trying to convince me to be the one to think about adopting the child. He just mentioned it to me because he knew I knew sign language. I asked him to send me the information on this little boy, and that was that.

I went home from church that day not even planning to mention the little boy to Bruce. He hadn't been standing right there when our friend approached me, so I figured he didn't need to know about this. I knew how he'd felt after the last adoption, so I didn't think there was any reason to even mention this little boy in regards to us adopting him. But later that evening I felt the Lord telling me I shouldn't keep secrets from my husband, so I shared what little I knew about the boy with Bruce. He told me that he felt the two of us should begin praying for this little boy and ask the Lord to provide the right family for him.


For the next several days we prayed for Marcos (that's the name we'd been given by the adoption agency). We asked God to reveal to us if there were any friends we knew who would be right to adopt him. We prayed for his health and well-being. At some point during the days we were praying for him, I felt the Lord opening my heart and mind to US adopting him. But I didn't want to mention the idea to Bruce because I knew what he'd said after the last adoption. So I committed to pray that if the Lord really wanted us to be this little boy's parents, that HE would change Bruce's heart and mind about going through another adoption. 


I also knew that this would be a foreign adoption and that we had never felt a peace about moving forward with a foreign adoption in the past. I knew if it was of the Lord that HE would have to move in both of our hearts in that regard. Neither of us had ever wanted to go into debt in order to adopt a child, and international adoptions can be extremely expensive. So, I started praying about this specific "obstacle" as well.


After about a week of  prayer, Bruce came to me one night and said "What would you think if we we were the ones who adopted Marcos?" Well I almost fell out of my chair! God had answered prayer number one! (Why was I surprised???) I shared with Bruce what I'd been praying for the past several days and he just smiled. I also shared with him that I still didn't feel we should go into debt to adopt. He agreed whole-heartedly, but he also said he believed that if God was in this, HE would provide all the money that was needed. I had already had that same confirmation in my spirit when I'd been praying. So I felt God had answered prayer number two!


We still didn't want to rush into anything, and one morning in my devotions I'd been reading in Proverbs. I read the verse that says "A wise man seeks counsel, but a foolish man runs ahead with his own plans", so we agreed to seek wise counsel. We went to our pastor and to a few of our friends who we trust, and asked them to pray with us and for us. We also asked them to give us feedback on whether or not we should move ahead with something like this at our age. After all, most of our friends our age have kids in college or kids that are married with children of their own. Were we being crazy to think about adopting a 7-year-old boy with a hearing impairment? 


But after seeking wise counsel, and talking and praying more together, Bruce and I decided to move forward with this adoption. We are currently in the process of adopting a 7-year-old boy from Hungary. He is deaf (although the Hungarian government is now calling him hearing impaired...to what extent, we're not sure yet). We have completed our home study and are in the process of having his immigration papers approved.


There are so many God-stories that have taken place already in our journey that we continue to believe God is directing this process. His hand is in it, and He is making everything work out in His timing. 


This first post has been an extremely long one. I apologize to anyone who had to stop and take a nap before returning to read the rest! But I wanted you to have an idea of where our adoption journey really started. It didn't just start on Mother's Day 2011. It started 15 years ago, when we were first told we were too old to be adoptive parents. God has been doing a work in our hearts ever since that time. He has been preparing us for this little boy in Hungary. He has been setting people and things in place...in HIS timing. 

I promise any blog posts after this will be short and to the point. I want to be able to share with you how God's plan is unfolding. The many stories and lives He's begun to weave together. He continues to remind us that we're not on this journey alone. God is out in front of us and we're just following His lead.